


In Loving Memory

by The_Crafty_Cracker



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Teen Titans - All Media Types, Under the Red Hood, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Brother Dick Grayson, Child Death, Court of Owls, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Dick Grayson is a Police Officer, Dick is a mess, Dick is trying his best, Drug Addiction, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/M, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jason is a Dork, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Jason, Protective Roy Harper, Slade is an evil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2018-12-23 23:17:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12000009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Crafty_Cracker/pseuds/The_Crafty_Cracker
Summary: Jason grinned, pulling his hand back while Dick's fell limply back to his side, eyeing up the flowers clutched carefully in Dick’s hand."So remind me again, Mr. Grayson; why exactly are you stealing my flowers?"





	1. Your tears hit the floor, so we'll just let them dry.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Empty Garden](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9527153) by [GhostOfNoah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostOfNoah/pseuds/GhostOfNoah). 



> With permission from the original author - GraysonsLittleBird I re-imagined their fic and probably made it ten times worse. Well for Dick anyway, this one has been a while coming actually. In fact, dear readers if you also read DWTF then you'll know that my poor laptop had broke and was uploading on my tablet, but no today I got a new laptop! And holy hell it's awesome but I'm not buying anything ever again! 
> 
> So yes as I mentioned this fic isn't going to be partially happy, it'll have its moments but damn the angst is real. But Jason will help, hopefully with a happy ending!! :D 
> 
> But anyway enjoy!

Dick looked down at the flowers, worrying his lip with his teeth, so much so that he knew that they would be sore and puffy later on, but the flowers were really beautiful.

His hand felt around in his jean pocket, gripping the few precious coins that he had left and he knew that no matter how nicely he asked the store assistant wouldn't simply reduce the price down for him. When had flowers gotten so expensive anyway? All he needed was a few... There were always the already reduced ones, but there was no way in hell he was taking the f _ orgotten, withering, dying _ flowers there. Anyway, the money he had on him wasn't for that, it was for food and milk. They had barely anything in the fridge again, and he really didn't have any money to spare this month.  

Honestly, he did knock.

_ Twice! _

He had planned on asking for permission and not just stealing like some lowlife thief or the trouble making teen that he’d apprehend while on patrol.  

However both times he tried, the result was equally as fruitless and Dick really didn't have the time to wait around, he had an eleven-hour shift to work in half an hour he couldn't waste time by waiting for someone to return or come to the door.

But he couldn't just go there empty handed...

The owner wouldn't miss a couple, would they? He bet they wouldn't even notice or would just assume it was some youths messing around.

But he was a  _ cop _ , goddamn it! He should be arresting the people who committed crimes, not doing them himself! Even it was just a couple of flowers...

The feeling of guilt felt heavy on his chest because he  _ shouldn’t  _ be doing this, it was just  _ wrong  _ and he would be so fucked if anyone found out or saw him _.  _ With a small tremble and a little sniffle, he quickly glanced around making sure no one was around, before leaning down and plucked a couple of the flowers from the bush and walking away.

The flowers were  _ very _ pretty.

No one would miss them, and they’d be put to good use.

This was the first time, and he swore it would be the first and _ only  _ time he did.

* * *

He had lied to himself.

It wasn't even a week later and he was back outside the same house again.

Like the garden, the house itself was nice, stunning even, not too small and cramped like his apartment, nor too big like the Manor had been, a place that had way too many rooms with too few occupants. He wondered who lived there; it would most likely be an elderly or middle aged couple, or something along them lines. Whoever they were, they either didn't notice or weren't that bother about the missing flowers because there hadn't been any reports of flower theft at the office; he'd made sure to double check.

But again, they were out of food and Dick was definitely out of money. There was less in the fridge then last time and Dick was going to have to use some drastic measure, again, just to make sure there was enough food until he got paid next week. He hated it when he had to resort to those measures because not only did it make him feel dirty and unworthy, it only gave  _ him _ more things to use against them.

But even though payday was only a week away, he wasn't going to fail another person again, never again, and that meant putting food on the table. He'll do whatever it takes, no matter how it might personally affect him.

The flowers, however, were as beautiful as they were last time he came...

If he ever got caught then he would be screwed big time, like totally and royally fucked but he couldn't physically make himself go empty handed.

He only knocked once this time.

Again, no one answered.

This is the last time, he promised himself.  

* * *

He was back again.

He had tried, _tried so hard,_ to save enough to get buy a bouquet of flowers! He'd also planned on buying a packet or two of seeds to post through the letterbox as a sign of apology for taking the flowers in the first place. He had just got paid the other night after all and with all the over time that he's been putting in the last month, even after budgeting for the month they'd had a bit extra left over!

However, that had all changed when he got a call in the early hours of this morning...

And so alas, he was back in front of the house.

He hated this.

_ Fucking hated this so much. _

But regardless, he couldn’t bring himself,  _ didn’t dare,  _ go with nothing, so for the third time he leant down and quickly, swiftly, picked some more flowers.

" _ HEY _ !" A loud, angry voice called from the direction of the house.

Dick froze for a second,  _ shit _ , someone had seen him.  _ No, no, no! _ His head whipped up so fast that he could have possibly given himself whiplash. He almost did a double take because the man, if you could even call him that because he looked like was around Dick's age, if not a couple of years younger, definitely in his early twenties, in front of him definitely wasn't what he was expecting when he imagined who was living in the house. Apparently, Dick wasn't what the homeowner was expecting to be the flower thief either, if the few seconds of wide-eyed shock on his face was anything to go by, however, it went as soon as it arrived and the stranger's face expression returned back into rage.

"What the fuck are you doing, stealing my flowers?!"

Dick clutched a few flowers close to his chest, hoping that he didn't squash the poor things as the man walked furiously towards him, glaring at Dick who shuffled nervously backwards a couple of steps.

"Well, are you going to answer or what?!" The man demanded, crossing his arms over his chest, his nice looking, broad, in-shape, chest, Dick could tell, even with the white tank top the man was wearing. He wasn't bad looking either, kind of unique, in a way, with the white streak in the front of his hair. But this really wasn't the time to ogling the guy!

"I um..." That came out neither smooth or confident as Dick had wanted it to, in fact, it was a total flop. His mind was going a mile a minute and didn’t seem to be stopping, not even to be able to form a coherent reply. The man didn’t look too impressed either, by his answer or in this case lack of one.

"I know, how about an easier question for you, give me one good reason why I shouldn't call the police to arrest your sorry flower stealing ass."

Dick's eyes widened and palms sweating,  _ shit. _

Say something!

Anything!

"I am the police!"

_ Not that... _

That, however, did seem to stop the guy in his tracks. He blinked a couple of times, eyes taking in Dick’s appearance before a sneer appeared on his face, "Yeah, and I'm the tooth fairy, like hell someone like you could be part of the GCPD."

Dick frowned, not liking the implications of that. Yeah sure he wasn't as strong looking or beefy as the other guys in the office, but that didn't mean that he wasn't excellent at his job, because he was thank you very much!

"I am!" Dick shot back, childishly, as reached into his pocket and pulled out his badge near enough shoving into the other guy's face who quickly snatched it up and looked at it for a minute before shoving it back with a grunt.

"Okay, then, Mr Grayson, what is a  _ cop,  _ the local  _ law enforcement,  _ doing pinching flowers." The man drawled out, face turning smugger as Dick's face blushed cherry red with embarrassment, cradling said the flowers tightly but still careful not to damage them.

Dick scuffed his shoe on the floor, distractedly, as he slipped his badge back into his pocket. "I'm sorry..."

The man snorted, anger now seemingly gone, apparently, he was starting to take more amusement out of this than anything. "That didn't answer my question, Richard." Dick twitched at the name, he hated being called Richard, everyone who knew him, called him Dick, or well, nearly everyone...

"I-I-" Dick started not sure on what he was going to say, but luckily or maybe not, the man’s eyes suddenly widened, as if something had just clicked in his mind and his face turned dark.

"Wait,  _ Richard Grayson _ , as in the same  _ Richard Grayson _ that was adopted by the filthy bastard, Bruce Wayne! Whose fortune and fame was made up of nothing but his parent's  _ dirty  _ money that they'd stole from the _ innocent _ !" The man shouted, and Dick flinched because of course, he knew about the Wayne family scandals. How could he not? He was the man's son. That Bruce's parents had been rotten like the rest of the high society of Gotham but only worse and since Bruce no longer here to defend himself, the family name got an even darker reputation, with some of it being the truth, but some of it was made up bullshit simply because people were angry!

But then it was Dick's turn to get  _ angry _ , which didn't happen often, mind you, but the people of this city had also taken things from them, they had no room to judge!

"Hey, listen here, I don't care  _ who the fuck you are _ , but don't you dare say anything bad about Bruce Wayne!" Dick defended stepping towards the guy, glaring in a way which would have made Bruce proud. He didn't give a shit if this guy was taller and more muscular than himself, he could take care himself if need be, he didn't get to become part of the GCPD just because he looked good in the uniform.

"Why shouldn't I? The guy lived off the money his parents had taken from people who had needed it the most!" The man did have a point, but Bruce hadn't known! He also had given a shit tone back to Gotham trying to make it a better and safer place.

Dick didn't back down, body flowing with anger and legitimate fury. " _ Shut up. _ He didn't _ fucking know, _ alright! He was a great man who did more for this city than most of us combined! The man was nothing like his parents, he was a great, wonderful and caring man. This place! This city! It's people! They have taken enough from  _ him! Us. Me! _ When will you stop?! I swear if don't stop saying bad things about him then  _ I'll make you _ ."

The guy was looking at him in what could only be described as shock, and Dick had no idea if the guy was going to cry or hit him; probably the latter because the guy didn't particularly look like the crying type and Dick had kind of just threatened him.  

Dick went wide eyes, he froze and panicked because, _ shit _ , he had just threatened someone! Just after he had been caught stealing as well! No matter how petty, or how emotionally compromised he was, a crime was still a crime! And he was still a cop, and if the guy decided to press charges or even call the police, he would lose his job without question, and Dick needed that job!

" _ I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! _ Please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it! forgive me!" Dick suddenly burst out in apology, taking another step towards the man out of desperation, pushing the precious flowers back towards their owner. He couldn't lose his job, he'd do anything to keep it, even begging. "You can have the flowers back. I'm sorry. They were just so beautiful and I-I-"  

The guy took a step back as if overwhelmed by the sudden change, holding his hands out in a pacifying way, "Whoa dude, calm down."

Dick stopped, but he was still trembling slightly. He was still an emotional wreck, he was scared, angry and sad all at the same time. His future was hanging in the hands of a man who he'd just t _ hreatened _ because he couldn’t shut his  _ goddamn  _ mouth, which all happened because he was too pathetic and worthless that he couldn't afford any flowers.  

"I'm sorry." The guy said suddenly, causing Dick to stop completely, blinking in confusion. That wasn't what he was expecting, he was expecting shouting, glares and made a punch or two. The man’s lips twitched upwards a little at the gesture, while Dick waited for clarification. "I mean about saying that stuff about Bruce Wayne, I guess I can't pass judgement, I didn't know him, not personally anyway. I only know from what the papers have printed and I should know more than anyone that they're full of shit."

Dick looked down at the pavement shuffling slightly on the spot, "It's true, not all of it but some. The Wayne's fortune was made up of dirty money and by treading on the poor, but not Bruce, Bruce would help anyone who needed it, he was nothing like his parents..."

The man nodded, understandingly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." Dick watched, the man looked genuine in his apology.

Dick swallowed, "It's okay, I shouldn't have reacted like I did, I should know better." It was true, he should know better, especially at this point. If he let his emotions control him he'd breakdown and probably lose everything he's trying so hard to keep.

The man didn't reply on the matter. They were both at blame and both had apologised, so what was the point in continuing? It was obviously a sore spot.

The man then blinked a couple of times, as if a sudden thought just came to mind, and Dick prepared himself for possibly another verbal assault; however, the man's eyes widened.

"Oh, I never introduced myself! That was kind of rude of me since I know your name. Kori would have my head if she knew I didn't introduce myself properly!" He held out a hand for Dick to shake, "My name’s Jason, Jason Todd."

Dick looked at the hand, then up Jason's face, before back down at his hand, before deciding to take it, and shook it lightly. "Nice to meet you, Jason." Dick greeted. Well, it wasn't exactly nice because one, he was caught stealing the guy's flowers and two, Jason had opened some pretty painful and old wounds, but Jason was being civil and polite so Dick should be the same.

Jason grinned, pulling his hand back while Dick's fell limply back to his side, eyeing up the flowers clutched carefully in Dick’s hand. "So remind me again, Mr Grayson; why exactly are you stealing my flowers?"


	2. Has no one told you he's not breathing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So is your girlfriend pretty as you?”
> 
> “My what?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two... LET THE PAIN BEGIN! 
> 
> MWHAHAHAHAHA! 
> 
> This chapter wasn't beta read by anyone but me so yeah beware! 
> 
> That's all... 
> 
> ENJOY

Jason grinned, pulling his hand back while Dick's fell limply back to his side, eyeing up the flowers clutched carefully in Dick’s hand. "So remind me again, Mr Grayson; why exactly are you stealing my flowers?"

Dick flinched back at the question, eyes wide, shaking his head frantically “Um! There's no reason! I’m sorry, I won’t do that it again I promise!”

Jason rolled his eyes, “Really? So three times in the past three weeks you’ve stolen my flowers for no reason? You’re a cop, so you must have at least a few brain cells in that beautiful head of yours, meaning that you wouldn’t be stupid enough to risk your job for no reason.”

Dick still refused to answer, again simply shaking his head, clutching the flowers tight as if they were some kind of lifeline. He hadn’t missed the comment about how Jason had called him beautiful, or at least his head, but people tended to do that on a daily basis anyway, so he let it slide. There were bigger things to be focused on than that, like getting out of here without telling Jason why he needed the flowers, or without the man calling the police.

Jason mumbled something under his breath, something that Dick couldn’t quite here before the man let out a deep sigh, “Look, Richard, those flowers aren’t just normal flowers they were given to me by a close friend, okay? And she’ll kill me if she found out that someone was stealing them, or at least without a decent reason.”

Dick’s stiffened, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know…”

Jason raised an eyebrow, “So are you going to tell me?”

“I already told you I have no reason.” He does, he has a reason, one that Jason would probably find satisfactory to tell his friend but he can’t tell him, _he can’t._

Jason's face scrunched up into a frown, crossing his arms over his chest, unimpressed. “That’s total bullshit and you know it,”

Dick frowned back, “Believe what you want.”

Jason let out another sigh as if he was going to give up, Dick hoped he was, Jason seemed like a nice guy and he was sorry for stealing his flowers and for causing all this trouble, well he was partly sorry at least.

“Well if you don't want to tell me why you're stealing my flowers then I have no other choice,” Jason said and Dick froze up again because did that mean he was going to call the cops, um, well the other cops?! He wouldn’t, would he? Dick knew he was being difficult but that was for a reason! But if Jason called the police everything would be over! He’d lose everything, he’d have failed. _Again._

Dick opened his mouth to make one last plea but then-

“I guess I’ll just have to come with you.”

“Huh?”

“I said, I’ll just have to come with you.”

Dick looked at Jason as if he’d gained another head, “You’ll what?”

Jason grinned, “Those flowers are mine, after all, I just want to make sure that they're being put to good use, and since you won’t tell me, I’ll get you to show me by tagging along with you!”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No!”

“Yes!” Jason argued back, “It's either that or I’m calling the police, I’m sure they’ll be very interested in what one of their colleagues get up to in his spare time.”

Dick paused, there it was, the card had been played, the ultimatum set, he knew he wasn’t going to win. It meant he had to pick which is the better of two evils.

“Okay, you can come…”

“Sweet!” Jason exclaimed, Dick didn’t understand what he was so excited for, he was grinning at Dick “Onwards and upwards Richard!”

Dick looked at Jason and the still flowers in his hand before letting out a defeated sigh, apparently, there was no way out of this, well at least not without fucking everything else up, so he mumbled, “If your really tagging along, then call me Dick, I hate being called Richard.”

Jason tried not laugh and failed miserably resulting in it coming out as an amused snort, “Okay then Dick, lead the way!”

* * *

Jason managed to kept pace next to Dick, which really wasn’t that hard considering Dick was at least a couple of inches smaller than him. The other man hadn’t spoken a word since telling him to call him Dick, which still made Jason chuckle, he knew he was being immature but really didn’t give a shit.

So Jason decided to fill the silence.

“So is your girlfriend pretty as you?”

Because that’s got to be why Dick was stealing his flowers, right? Maybe the officer was having money troubles and couldn’t actually afford some himself but didn’t want to show up with no flowers, it also made sense of why Dick was so adamant about not telling him. If Jason was in his shoes he definitely wouldn’t want to tell anyone, especially his girlfriend that he couldn’t afford to buy her any flowers. Especially if he was the adopted son of Bruce Wayne, people expect a lot, and constant gifts like flowers were most likely one of them, and so poor Dickie had to resort to other methods, to keep her happy.

It was okay, Jason understood, he’d been there, done that and got the T-shirt.

Really now he was only tagging along so that he could see what kind of girl a guy with Dick Grayson looks could pull, then he could tell Kori and hopefully, she wouldn’t be too annoyed if he was helping someone with their love life at the cost of her beloved flowers. Also he would put this bitch in her place, the one Dick was seeing that was, (if he ever dared to call Kori a bitch she’d much him in next week and then make him sleep on the couch, _in his own home!)_ if she was demanding and bossy like Jason was expecting her to be. He didn’t really understand the young cops circumstances besides the Wayne family scandal and the fact that once upon a time young Richard Grayson was adopted by playboy millionaire Bruce Wayne. But obviously Dick was struggling and from what Jason could tell, all ten minutes of them knowing each other, Jason had concluded that Dick Grayson was, in fact, a nice guy and probably a little too nice and would get trampled on and taken advantage of by others.

Honestly, Jason was just looking out for the guy since Dick exactly didn’t look like the most stable person at the moment either and was likely to be easily manipulated.

_“My what?!”_

Jason grinned at Dick’s reaction, “Oh so it hasn’t got to that stage yet, makes sense.”

Dick’s eyes widened, arms frantically waving around again, flowers still in hand. “No, _no,_ you’ve got it all _wrong._ ”

Jason’s grinned widened “I’m sorry, you’re right, I shouldn’t assume. I’ll try again, is your boyfriend as pretty as you? Though I doubt it’s possible.”  He said with a flirtatious wink.

Dick blushed bright red, really he should be used to it by now, people hit on him every day, in and out of uniform but always he said that he never had time to or that he wasn't looking to be in a relationship right now, much to others disappointment. However, it was better than Dick getting attached to someone and then feeling the heartbreaking pain of when eventually the other person leaves once they figure out how much of a mess Dick and his life is.

Dick didn’t bother to correct Jason, but it was true that he was more into guys than he was girls thought, even if he didn’t actually have a boyfriend.

And so, after that, they had gone back to walking in silence. Jason still wonders about what’s Dick girlfriend or boyfriend, the guy hadn’t actually specified, looked like, while Dick didn’t talk to him, in fact, it was almost as if he was trying to ignore his existence entirely! But it didn’t really matter much since Jason was quite enjoying their stroll down the paths, it was a nice sunny but not too warm day, and even better as he had a very attractive man walking next to him.

Then Dick suddenly took a turn, one Jason really hadn’t expected him to take, the gate was an old rusted but well-used gate, leading them into a place that Jason definitely hadn’t expected him to go to. Jason swallowed, he hadn’t been here in a while, this was the place where both his parents were buried, somewhere. He hadn’t visited in awhile, a few years in fact, but you really couldn’t blame him, he had still had deep and complicated issues with both of them. Just the idea of being here unsettled him.

“Dick why the fuck are we in a graveyard?”

Dick, of course, didn’t answer, that ass, and just kept walking. Jason was now a step or so behind, not really liking being here but it didn’t seem to bother Dick, who just kept taking turns and corners into places of the graveyard that Jasons never saw before.

They weren’t going to be meeting in a graveyard were they?! Because that would be super fucking weird.

But then Dick stopped and Jason didn’t, not anticipated it, ending with him banging into Dick,

“Sorr-“ Jason started to apologise but then noticed that Dick wasn’t paying him any attention and was, in fact, staring at the gravestone in front of him. Jason's eyes widened in shock as he read it.  


**Damian Wayne**

**Beloved Son - Brother - Partner**

**2006 - 2017**

_“Holy shit.”_

Damian Wayne.

_Wayne!_

Fuck! He didn’t even know that Bruce had a  son!

_Had…_

Then he remembers where they were, who he was here with and then everything now made a lot more sense. This was why Dick had so adamant about not telling him the details or giving him any clues. Th-this wasn’t just Dick stealing flowers to impress his date! This was him stealing flowers to put onto his brother grave!

_His brothers grave._

Jason felt like he was going to be sick.

“Dick…” Jason started but then just let it trail off unsure of how to continue. What was he going to say? Sorry, I force you to bring me here? Sorry, I threatened to call the cops and ultimately losing your job and destroying your career if you didn’t? Sorry for your loss…

Dick didn’t react anyway, he simply knelt down and place the flowers gently on in front of the grave before plonking himself on the floor in front, and smiled sadly at the grave “Hi little D, miss me? Probably not, you’re probably up in heaven kicking everyone's ass into shape and threatening to fight God because the two of you disagree. I got you some of your favourite flowers again, and don’t you give me that look, I know you are,-”

Jason just watched on, Dick was talking so animatedly, it was almost as if he to someone who was there, instead of a slab of stone, it was heartbreaking. He reread the words on the grave, again, in case he missed anything else out, his attention attracted to the dates.

_2006 -2017_

That meant that this was only what eleven when he died…

Jesus fucking Christ!

That was so young.

_Too young._

This was Dick little brothers grave. Dick had lost his eleven-year-old brother and all Jason had done was act like a jerk over some few flowers.

“-I know that you know, that I can’t afford them but I’ve already told you that I’m not coming here empty handed! You were my world little D, you and Tim, I love you both so much, and I already failed you, it’s the least I can do. I-I stole them again,” Dick let out a choked laugh, rubbing at his eyes trying to stop the tears, and Jason felt his heart break a little more, he was standing a little off to the side of Dick, unsure of what to say or do, however, he couldn’t just leave, not now. “Don’t scoff at me D, it was necessary, although I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought. Like you the all the times you thought I hadn’t noticed that you’d got your grandfather sword out of its case and was using it to threaten your brother, I knew, of course, I did. I only let you get away with it because I know it was Tim who had swapped all your shampoo with pink hair dye and a few other pranks. However, today, I got caught, I know you’ve noticed Jason, don’t glare at him, it’s my fault, I was stealing his flowers, he just wants to make sure that they’re being put to a-a good cause.”

Jason fidgeted nervously at the introduction, he still felt horrible for the whole thing but his heart went out to Dick, especially when the older man looked like he was seconds away from breaking down.

“You’re the best cause Damian, I’d do anything for you, _anything._ ”

However, even though Jason knows that it was just him and Dick there he still felt that he was being glared at and judged. Kinda creepy actually.

Dick sniffed wetly but continued “Don’t kick up a fuss, you don’t get many visitors Damian, Jason’s a nice guy, he didn’t call the cops on me even though I was technically breaking the law. Speaking of visitors I was thinking about bringing Colin with me soon, would you like that? I bet you would. It’s still a bit early at the moment, he’s still p-pretty upset at the moment but when he gets settled I-I’m sure he’ll jump at the chance.”

Jason wondered what had happened, how an eleven-year-old boy had ended up pushing up daisies, the kid would have still been at school! Had ambitions, dreams! All snatched out from under him. However, he was distracted by Dick finally breaking, he started sobbing, still trying to rub the tears away from his eyes to keep it together, however, he was losing as the tears just kept coming and he started properly crying, his body trembling.

Jason didn’t know what to do, he was in way over his head. He was not qualified enough for this! He had a shit tonne of his own problems he didn’t know how to deal with himself, never mind _this!_

But he couldn’t just leave Dick, _he couldn’t_.

“S-sorry little D, I-I-I know you hate when I cry and get all emotional, h-however, I can’t h-help it, I love you _so_ much, so, so very much. I-I miss you.”

Multiple droplets fell, wetting the grass around the grave, more came, quicker and faster, followed by sobs, which became more louder and more distressed.

Then suddenly Dick stood up, furiously wiped the tears from his face and eyes, taking a deep breath, before reopening his eyes, putting on bright smile which Jason could tell it was bittersweet, he could also see the tears still for forming in the corner of Dick’s eyes. “Sorry Damian I’ve got to go, I-I can’t stay, not-t now. But I’ll be back soon, don’t worry, and Tim will visit soon as well, I’ll make him, I promise. Say hi to Bruce for me, will you? And that I’ll visit him when I get a chance.”

Wait! Say hi to Bruce?

Bruce Wayne?

He knew about the Wayne scandal, everyone knew! It had been huge! He also knew that Mr Wayne hadn’t been around to contest or defend himself but he didn’t know he was dead! Hell, he hadn’t heard anything about Bruce Wayne in a good few years-

_Fuck!_

That meant that Dick had lost his father and his little brother in the space of a few years…

It was a surprise that Dick was still sane, of course, he’s had a breakdown a few seconds ago but everyone would have. No wonder he’s a bit of an emotional mess, Jason completely and totally understood, even if when his parents died, he didn’t exactly mourn them, in fact, he hadn’t even known that his father was dead until at least five years after the man had died, but still he knew it wasn’t easy to lose someone, especially someone close.

Dick’s little brother.

_This was Dick’s little brother gave._

“Thanks, Damian, I miss you every day, I’ll be back soon okay? And while I’m gone behave up there, don’t stress out B too much, love you my little Robin…” Dick smiled sadly and rubbed his eyes one more time before turning and leaving. The first couple of steps Jason stayed back and watched to make sure that Dick was steady on his feet, the officer wobbled a bit at first body off balance however he quickly regained it. Jason however, didn’t miss the way that Dick’s body still trembled with grief and sadness, no matter how much Dick tries to mask it and put on a brave face. He quickly caught up with Dick, but not before giving a quick nod respect and acknowledgement to the gravestone. He still felt terrible, of course, he hadn’t known that Dick had been stealing flowers for this but he still felt bad.

He didn’t know what possessed him to do it, or why, but when he put his hand on Dick’s shoulder, the man almost sagged into it, taking it as a form of comfort, the tension all but falling off his body, Jason decided that it was a good thing to do.

They eventually made it back the gate, without either of them saying another word. Jason hadn’t even bothered looking to see if he’d passed either of his parents. Once they made it out, Dick straighten himself back up and Jason slipped his arm of Dick’s shoulder, as said man turned to him, with an expression that Jason couldn’t quite determine.

“So Jason do you think was _that_ a good enough reason for your friend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TT_TT I'm sad now, just from re-reading it.
> 
> Poor Dick. 
> 
> Tell me what you think???


	3. Until it breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As nice as Jason is, he doesn’t need to be involved with any of this. The last time Dick got someone involved he’d picked the completely wrong person and that landed him an in a situation that he’s definitely not going to be getting out of anytime soon.
> 
> “Dick, wait!!” Jason calls out desperately.
> 
> No, no he can’t.
> 
> He wishes he could, but he can’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAIT DID I JUST UPDATE? DUDE. I MEAN EVEN I HAD FORGOTTEN THIS FIC EXISTED. Fotrutnally I remembered where this fic was going and I've gained a couple more extra ideas. Also, guys, I attempted to make brownies today, I failed miserably. It's not important but dude, I messed up big time. 
> 
> Got to love my beta, especially considering how badly I am at jumping around fics and ideas faster than I can blink, she sorts me out. She's the best! 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!! :D

_“So Jason do you think was that a good enough reason for your friend?”_

Dick hadn’t meant for the comment to come out so harshly or for it to be mean, he really didn’t. He just couldn’t control either himself or his emotions. It was being there, in front of Damian’s grave, with the knowledge that his beloved little brother was never coming back to him.

He was never going to hear Damian’s degrading comments to Tim, or listen to him insult Dick’s less than mediocre cooking skills. He’d never get another chance to hug the kid when either of them were feeling sad about the loss of their father (though Damian barely ever let Dick hug him for more than two minutes at a time, and that was on a good day) or beam in joy at Damian said something which could be vaguely translated as a compliment, even if he did hide it within another insult. Then there were the moments where Damian would seek him out for comfort when he was feeling down when the Wayne heir would plonk himself down next to his oldest brother and lean into his warmth resting his head on Dick’s shoulder, and the latter would gently thread his hand through the kid's hair soothingly.

Dick would never get any of that again.

It was all his fault!

He wasn’t fast enough.

He wasn’t strong enough.

He wasn’t good enough.

And as a result of his failures, his brother had paid the ultimate price.

_Damian was dead._

He remembers it clearly, every second, every word, everything he felt, from the absolute devastation of seeing his little brother lifeless, limp, bloody body to the blinding rage that felt like hot lava was running through his veins, seeing the people, those bastards, who had taken his little brother from him, and wanting nothing more to pick up the discarded gun off the floor and end them himself, in fact, he didn’t even want to use the gun, he wanted to go over there and rip them apart himself, cause them at least ten times the amount of pain and suffering they’d done to Damian before finally ending their pathetic, worthless lives.

But then he remembered what Bruce had told him all them years ago, back when the police had told them that they’d found the scum Tony Zucco, the man who had killed his parents in cold blood.

**_“You don't seek justice. You seek vengeance. They're not the same.”_** _Bruce said calmly down to him as Dick glared at doors, that’d just seen Zucco be marched through the doors by the officers._ ** _“You can’t keep going on like this Dick, it's too much. For your parents' sake, be strong. Always remember life has to go on.”_**

And he also remembers that he had Tim waiting for him at home, and Roy as well. If Dick had killed them and got arrested, Tim would have been probably put into care, abandoned and lost while Roy would have been shoved back onto the streets with no help and probably regress again and most likely end up dead sooner rather than later.

So he didn’t.

Didn’t kill them.

He beat the ever-loving shit out of them, but they lived.

They lived to get the justice that they deserved. They would never see the light of day again, but it didn’t even start to ease the loss or pain Dick felt.

Both Roy and Wally, hell even Tim, had repeatedly assured him that it wasn’t his fault, but they hadn’t been there. They didn’t know, didn’t know how goddamn close he was to saving Damian. With Bruce, he understood that there wasn’t anything that he could have done to stop what had happened and while harrowing and traumatic, it had nothing to the soul-destroying way Damian’s life had ended. He had been so close. _So close!_

He knew that Jason was staring at him wide-eyed, probably shocked at the comment, and Dick felt bad. Besides the rocky start, Jason had turned out to be really nice, he’d even apologised when Dick was the one who needed to since he was the one stealing off the man!

“Sorry…”

“Dick it’s okay, I-“ Jason’s reply was suddenly cut off by an old Nokia ringtone blaring out from Dick’s back pocket, causing the latter to pull out the oldest phone Jason had ever seen! Meanwhile, Dick glanced at the caller ID on the screen and breathes a small sigh of relief as it wasn't work trying to call him in again, he doesn’t think he can handle today. However it was Tim who was calling, the boy only seemed to call for two reasons, one he was going out with Conner and the others and was telling his guardian that was didn’t need any dinner and/or was staying out late, and the second reason something had happened, he hoped it was the former.

“One sec,” Dick says putting a bit of space between him and Jason as he answered the call while pressing the phone to his ear, “Tim?"

_“Hey, Dick.”_ His brother's greeting soothed Dick’s nerves some. There isn’t any screaming or shouting and Tim’s voice seems calm and relaxed on the phone.

“Everything alright?” He asks anyway because he still couldn’t help but worry.

_“Yeah, I’m good but what about you?”_ Tim asks warily as if he’d heard something in Dick’s voice that he hadn’t liked. Tim always picked up on things like that, his brother was so smart.

“I’m fine,” Dick answers, trying to control his voice. As smart as Tim is, he didn’t want the boy to worry.

_“I don’t believe you,”_

“I mean it, I’m fine,”

_“I can hear it in your voice, something has upset you…”_ There was a slight pause and Tim sighs defeatedly down the phone. _“You went to Damian's grave again, didn’t you?”_

“Tim… I-I-…”

_“I know, Dick, I know. It’s okay.”_

Dick nearly laughs at the irony of it. He is the one who is supposed to be comforting Tim, not the other way around!

_“Anyway, I just called to say that I’m going out, Conner asked me to go to his, he’s got to babysit Jon and you know what the two of them are like when they are left alone together,”_ Tim explains with a groan. Dick’s mouth twitches upwards slightly into what could be considered a small smile, the image of Tim standing in their apartment pouting and sulking while on the phone to him appeared in Dick's mind. Dick knows that his little brother hates having to mediate and play peacemaker between the two lovely but openly hostile boys, who seem to be in a lifelong competition with each other.  

Not that Tim was any better with Damian the two were always at each other's throats, competitive and always trying to outdo each other for Dick’s attention, approval and love, so yeah Tim is- his smile drops instantly. _Was_ no better with his own brother.

_“Dick?”_

“That’s fine, Timmy, are you staying over?”

_“No!”_ Tim protests vividly at the idea, but then a couple of seconds later, _“Wait, on second thought I’d better, they’re worse at night!”_

Dick let out a small fake chuckle, something he’d hope would trick Tim into thinking he was doing better than he actually was. “You make them sound like vampires.”

_“Not vampires exactly, but at least some kind of supernatural phenomenon.”_

“That’s not nice to say about your friends, Tim…” Dick chides playfully, “Then again, I always did think that Bruce would make a great vigilante, he has the money and the perfect disguise for it.”

_“Don’t pull this fake happy shit with me, Dick, I know you’re still upset. Damian didn’t put up with it and neither will I.”_

“Sorry, Tim, I- sorry…” He apologises, trying not to let his eye water at the mention of his deceased baby brother, but Tim was right Damian never put up with his shit and he should have thought that Tim wouldn’t either.

_“Oh, and before I forget, last time I checked Roy seemed to be waking up. Well, he was moaning, groaning and if the thud was anything to go by, he fell off the side of your bed. He’ll most likely be near coherent and lucid by the time you get back.”_ The boy explains and Dick hums in understanding, _“Anyway, I better go before Conner calls me back to ask for help with body disposal.”_

Dick chuckles, it’s small and weak but it’s a real one. “Yeah and I’ll come back right now, don’t think it’s the best idea to leave Roy alone at the moment.”

“ _Okay, but if he throws up in my shoes again I’m breaking those arrows of his.”_ Tim threatens as if anyone could forget the day that Roy had threw up in Tim’s shoes. In fact, Damian had taken a photo of it, it had made the kid’s day.

“Tim,” Dick warns lightly, smiling again at the memory of his little brother near enough bouncing up to him with Tim’s camera in hand with a devious grin on his face as he showed Dick the pictures of Tim’s newly ruined shoes and his brothers mortified expression.   

_“Those were my best shoes, Dick!”_

“I know Tim, but you know how much Roy cherishes his arrows,” Dick argues. Roy’s arrows were the only thing he had that was his own, a gift from back in the days when the man’s life had been easier and not one totally shit show after another.

_“Yeah, well, he better puke in his own shoes from now on,_ ” Tim mutters sulkily.

“I’ll be sure to pass the message on, now have a good night at Conner's and don’t do anything that I wouldn’t-“

_“There isn’t a lot you wouldn’t do, Dick,”_

“Watch it! You’re not old for me to ground, you know!”

_“Whatever, Dick,”_ Tim mutters, and if Dick knows his little brother as much as he claims to then he’s most likely rolling his eyes on the other side of the phone. Tim knew that Dick would never ground him, not unless he does something incredibly stupid like get arrested or something along those lines. Especially with all the shit that his older brother had let Damian get away with in the past, like what kind of eleven-year-old owns and carries around a short sword?! The brat always got into fights and said things Tim wouldn’t even dream of to peoples faces and still he always got away with it.

Dick is full on smiling now. Of course, he still remembers what exactly had upset him in the first place but Tim never failed in cheering him up, even if it was unknowingly, or then again, knowing Tim, probably purposely. The kid was smart as a whip and Dick was attempting to try and save up enough money so he can get the kid into a college he deserved.

“Anyway, have a good night Timmy and I’ll see you sometime tomorrow?” Dick asks as he turns back around to see Jason still standing there, waiting patiently. Damn, Dick had forgotten he was there and now he feels even worse for making the man wait!

_“Yeah, I’m not staying there all weekend or I’ll end up being the one doing the murdering! I’ll take them both out!”_ Tim explains and Dick can’t help but let out a chuckle. 

“Easiest case I’ll have to solve.” Dick quips back. Jason raises an eyebrow at him and Dick smiles back apologetical.

_“Not if I cover it up.”_

“I’ll still know it’s you.” Dick teases, smile widening. “I’m good like that.”

_“You would never arrest your own brother!”_

“Wouldn’t I?”

_“You never do anything about Roy and he does just about anything and everything, just look at last night Dick-“_ Tim starts and Dick cuts him off, not ready to have this argument again, definitely not over the phone, and especially not in front of Jason.

“Okay enough, Tim.” Dick rebukes slightly, trying to move the subject on as quickly as possible and if Tim really wants to talk about it then they’ll do it home and not over the phone while he’s in public. “You go get ready and make sure the boys don’t burn their house down.”

_“I know, I know! Can’t even watch TV without fighting.”_ Tim mumbles and goes on about the last time he was over and neither brother could decide on what they wanted to watch. Dick rolls his eyes good-heartedly, wondering if Tim knew about how much of a hypocrite he sounded like, considering how many times Dick had to threaten both boys that he’d turn the TV off if they can’t decide on what to watch.

**_“Richard, tell Drake that I am not watching that less than mediocre television show!”_ **

**_“Dick, Damian changed the channel again! And I’m not watching another planet earth documentary!”_ **  

Damn, he really should stop doing that.

“Right, so go over there and make sure that they behave. Clark won’t be happy if he comes home to only half a house.”

_“Yeah, good point, see you later Dick.”_

“Bye Timmy, go and show those two who’s boss!”

Tim laughs before ending the call. Dick smiles as he slides his old brick phone back into his pocket, okay so what if he didn’t have the latest phone? It wasn’t like he needed one, plus this one was perfect for his needs and the battery lasted, unlike the newer models. Tim always had his phone plugged in somewhere. It always had good signal and survived while he was out on patrol, which was essential. He couldn’t afford to keep buying new phone or repairs every time it broke when he did something vaguely strenuous at work. Plus it was cheap and it had Snake on it! Who needed Candy Crush and other new games when he had Snake!

A loud faked cough jerked Dick out of his thoughts. Glancing up at the source of the noise he saw that Jason was stood there grinning at him, Dick blushes. He’d forgotten that the man was there again!

“Sorry about that,” Dick apologises, though to be fair, Jason was lucky that Tim wasn’t having one of his rant days or they’d both be stood there for some time. When in his little brother was in a particular mood, he could outtalk Wally which was an achievement in itself.  

Jason chuckles, “No problem, something up?”

“No, just my little brother,” Jason blinks at him strangely and it takes Dick a couple of moment to realise that he’s probably thinking that he’s talking about Damian. Whoops, he’d better correct him or Jason will think he’s crazier then he already is, considering the man had already found him stealing his flowers this morning. “Tim, my other brother, he’s staying with a friend tonight and gave me update on what was happening at home-“

Wait! Shit, Roy!

As much as Dick wanted to strangle his friends for the stunt he pulled last night and this morning, he couldn’t just leave his friend alone.

Tim had said that Roy was waking up or is possibly already awake, so he needs to get home as soon as possible.    

Jason must pick up on it because he gives Dick another curious but concerned look. “Is everything okay, Dick?”

Dick sighs defeatedly, emotionally exhausted and would happily go home and sleep the rest of the day away, but he knows his day is far from done. “It’s fine.”

Jason gives him an unimpressed look, crossing his arms over his chest. “Doesn’t look like it.”

Dick shakes his head lightly. “Thanks for the concern, Jason, but I have to go,” He doesn’t need to involve Jason in his problems more than he already has by taking his flowers. “It was really nice to meet you, and I’m so sorry about your flowers.”

And with that said, the officer spins on his feet and starts quickly walking away. He would have liked to at least have said a proper goodbye to Jason but he really does need to get back to Roy and soon. Plus he has a feeling that Jason wasn’t going to stop prying, and then who knows what will happen? As nice as Jason is, he doesn’t need to be involved with any of this. The last time Dick got someone involved he’d picked the completely wrong person and that landed him an in a situation that he’s definitely not going to be getting out of anytime soon.

“Dick, wait!!” Jason calls out desperately.

No, no he can’t.

He wishes he could, but he can’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like? 
> 
> I mean it's a sad fic but it'll get better, maybe... Okay, it will for about all of two chapters but oh well XD 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? :) The next chapter is even sadder, TT_TT Well it will be when I write it but I have a plan for it anyway. 
> 
> But thanks for reading!! :D


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